Van Dyck dance incident frees monkeys.

(.... yaaawwwnn) well, it must be Saturday by now..... Tuesday !!! Where did that weekend go and what happened, what did I miss?

So.. what's happened in the world this weekend while I've been slumbering? Well, I see the greasy Deigo was paraded like a corner-whore around the Bernabau in Mardydrid. He has to be rescued by Spanish police after some of the 80,000 crowd managed to get onto the pitch. Ronaldiddumsio invited several of the more butch ones back in the changing rooms to 'shower down'.

A report suggests that housing here in the UK is not favouring immigrants, I'm now patiently waiting for the 'pro-immigrant' housing committee to start complaining and insisting that more flat-roofed shacks with no electricity or running water are erected to make them more favourable to immigrants. Moving to Sunderland is on the cards for them then.

I managed to watch a film over the weekend with Dick Van Dyke in it, now, far be it for me to suggest anything out of the ordinary happened with their parents, but Dick and our very own Brucie ..... cross Atlantic twins? Neither of them can be in a film or on a show without breaking into dance and both of them had best friends who were Dinosaurs...

It's been noticed here that Prince William has been made a barrister.. with no previouso Law experience, but he's promised not to practise. I think he ought to really, practise makes perfect after all.
The Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Square has been turned into 'living art', I like to stand on top of the plinth for an hour, flatulating in the general direction of the government. An awesome use of my time there I think.
Two ambulance crew in Norfolk have been busy auditioning for Monty Python sketch of the year while pronouncing a man dead at the scene of a car crash while the man was still breathing
"This man is dead"
" No.. I'm stil breathing"
" No, you're definitely dead"
"I'm getting better"
" Shut up, you're dead"
"I feel fantastic actually"

"Definitely dead"
After retraining the crew were redeployed to Downing Street in the hope that they'll find some life in Golden brown.

A number of monkeys were on the loose after escaping from their pen whikle being moved at Edinborough Zoo. Police are thought to be looking for a very dull looking Scotsman with greasy hair and one eye in connection with the incident.