Rushed Twatter post calls Ponting a punt...

Boffins in Keele University have made the remarkable discovery that swearing helps to relieve pain.
To support this theory we conducted our own tests on the man on the street.
There was indeed plenty of swearing as we drove a van over his fingers and inserted comedy balloon animals into places I wasn't sure existed outside of medical books. We managed to get the best results while running a seperate experiment to see if we could squeeze semen from one testicle. (We let the office junior do this task..)
Australian cricket captain, Ricky 'Punter' Ponting has criticised the alleged delaying tactics of the England team, thinking that ten minutes on the dunny was far too long for a man the size and stature of Monty Panesar.
Blimey Ricky, those grapes, they are sour aren't they?
The digital revolution hasn't been lost on the Royal family as they have now opened a Twatter account, you can see it now: "Queeny:- One is walking the corgis"
Her Maj is currently on eBay, selling some jewellery.
Hold the line caller... the launch of the new telephone directory for mobile numbers has hit somes technical glitches, all blamed on ... the press. They've blamed the press for rushing the launch. You don't see NASA rushing the launch of the Challenger due to the press getting on their back.
Latoya Jackson is still bleating about her brother and the fact that he was murdered, we here heard that he was on the floor for 30 minutes before people realised he wasn't looking for the other glove.
British scientists, being the strong backbone of manly society, hav suggested in a study that a bit of pain during childbirth for women is a good thing. Is it their way of saying, come on girls, stiff upper lip, take it on the chin & all that.
I'd like to see how they'd fair trying to poo a melon, or possible a pineapple if they were black.
In other news, the H1N1 virus, that's swime flu to the rest of us, has finally hit Grimlock Towers, with a member of the reception committee.... erm, team, having a confirmed case. And so, we harken back to the times of old, when men were men, women were women and plague victims were ritually victimised and stoned as unclean... pass the pebbles mate, it's my turn.