Monday in Lapland tortured OAP's.

I'll tell you what, I've had a really good weekend, things were looking good when BAM, Monday happened with aplomb.
8 hours spent on the UK's motor highway system yesterday left me with an aching in my cogs and a hole in my cash holder which isn't going to get filled up anytime soon, no thanks to a certain someone.
How some people can sleep at night is beyond me, I think I've been nocturnal for ever.
We're finding it a little ironic that Golden Brown, a man with one eye, is ready to unveil a new policy vision. Here's hoping it's not half-baked and he has the foresight to see where it can go wrong.
Some better news is that the UK is heading for a heatwave, so much so that the weather centre has issued 10 ways to beat the heat, I have one suggestion only, move to Lapland.
Lions form prides to defend their territory against other lions and menacing things, like a street-gang, according to a leading lion expert. Leonard the lion, the expert in question, fielded the Q&A session while his pride roamed the streets of Liverpool feasting on Scousers and mugging old ladies.
New DNA testing techniques are enabling African Americans to trace their roots back to Africa. The American version of the CSA are expected to be licking their collective lips at all the child maintenance they can claim. It has been discovered since this report that American white Supremacist David Duke is in fact related to Mike Tyson. This is completely untrue.
Sticking with Africa, Police have denied Kenya torture claims. "It's ridiculous to suggest that any one Police Force can torture an entire country", suggested Commissioner Gordon of Gotham City, "You'd need at least two forces collaborating together".