Boyle on the squirrel spots UFO riddled Iranians.

I hear Justice Secretary Jack Straw is open to an Iraq probe, I'll bet he is. You notice how you never see him and the Demon Headmaster in the same place, do you? He told the BBC's Andrew Marr ( who plays guitar) "I'll be more than happy to do it in public" . The mucky monkey.
Britain's Got Talent Star, Susan 'bonkers' Boyle has made her stage comeback after going missing for four shows. Some think she was secretly driving the Ferrari FXX for the BBC TV show Top Gear and many were expecting her to be revealed as The Stig. Rather disappointingly, The Stig was revealed to be a violated squirrel from Basingstoke who needed the money to have the ice cube removed and Susan admitted to attacking an MP in Bournemouth after being returned to Earth by the alien formerly known as Scowell.
There has been gunfire reported in Tehran, which is like saying there's been horses reported at Royal Ascot. Tehran, it's only slightly less likely to have gunfire than Manchester and slightly less likely to have muslims in it than Birmingham.
A Malaysian To-Fu expert has broken his own record for piercing coconuts with his index finger, managing to hole 4 in thirty seconds. The man is now avoided for asking directions and his girlfriend insists on the index finger every single night.
The US record industry has successfully taken a jobless mother of four to court for file-sharing four songs to the tune of $1.9 Million. That is a whole lot of cereal coupons. I'm wondering how the US courts expect the woman, who blames her ex-husband, not surprisingly, to pay this humungous fine. Head of the record industry, and Dr of philosophy, Dr V Inyl , said he expected her to sit in the corner and think about what she'd done.
UK MP's hopeful of landing the plum role of Speaker of the House were left red faced after more allegations of outrageous expenses claims surfaced last night, one MP was alleged to have claimed £50 for a new pair of boxers after they deliberately soiled themselves in public whilst involved in a sex game with Max Mosely and an unnamed squirrel from Basingstoke, who was quoted as needing the cash.