Technical Help Archive

Below was started with one email sent from our asset tracker, the rest was a two-way email between myself and another colleague.

Dear Technical Support,


18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble.
However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge.

These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.
Help requested please!

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Dear user,



We are sorry to hear of your problems using the product Girlfriend 1.0. The developers did not foresee the issues that many have been experiencing with this version of the software.



Our only recommendation would be to purge your system of Wife 1.0 and do not install Mistress 2003, but opt for our new and improved Monastery 2007, complete with complimentary Celibacy 2008. These should resolve all of your problems but you may find a knock on effect of a risk of installing Sorewrist Lifetime Edition



Regards,

Technical support

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Out of curiosity,

Is there a version of Wife 1.x that comes without some of the features such as CleanHouse2005…?

I have a separate version of this installed and it’d may cause conflicts if Wife 1.x decides to rearrange files and utensils.
This may also free up some resources, and time for other applications.
Eagerly awaiting your response,
Some crazy User

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Dear User,

There is indeed an application that replicates some of the features of Cleanhouse2005, although not publically available, the software you are looking for is Au Pair French Edition. This performs in it’s own runtime and it matters little if files and tools are moved.

Beware, however, as certain releases of Au Pair French Edition will conflict with certain versions of Wife 1.x, causing sporadic performance issues and outbreaks of Mood.exe that invariably take up far too much processor time and resources.

Regards,

Technical Support

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Thanks for the reply Mr Support… or Mrs Support… or Miss/Ms…
Will that require additional Language packs to get working with my current hardware?
Also I’ve heard of a RussianBride 2.0, which is an improvement over 1.0 which did not come with language packs from what I have read in recent reviews. How does this compare to Wife 1.x
Same user

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Dear User,

Usually the installation of Au Pair French Edition is supplied pre-translated, so there is little need to install further language packs. There may be the odd dialogue box in a foreign language , but this is usually after an error event such as Stubstoe.exe and can be ignored.

Now, RussianBride 2.0 is an improvement over 1.0 however it still comes with licensing issues such as VISA.dll and IMMIGRATION.bat. In short I wouldn’t recommend it over Wife 1.x because of these issues.
ThaiBride 1.5 should also be avoided due to possible hardware conflicts.
Regards,
(Mr.) Technical Support.

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Dear Sir,

Only mentioned here is the Au Pair French Edition. Am I safe to assume this comes in other Editions?

Also one of my friends had problems with KnockedUp 0.2 recently. And Wife 1.0 became randomly unstable, but nothing was picked up on the Anti-Virus. Are we safe to assume this is normal behaviour?

Mister User


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Dear User,

Indeed, Au Pair does come in other European editions. German (a bit brash), Spanish (Moody), Portuguese (Moody), Dutch (Very bare) and Swedish(Open Source) are all available.

Ah, KnockedUp0.2 is a resource hungry application that develops into the even more resource hungry Nipper 1.001. These two applications have been known to drain the Wallet resource leaving FiscalSecurity.dll stripped bare. Unfortunately this is perfectly normal behaviour, however, beware over-interaction with Au Pair French Edition as this could lead to an installation of KnockedUP.02 and definite conflicts and crashes with Wife1.0

Regards,
Technical support

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I see.

While having resource hungry applications sounds great to me… I think I might recommend my friends start off with Petz 5.0.

From what I understand they are also often compatible with Girlfriend 1.x, Wife 1.x, Mistress 200x, can have some troubles but usually settle down with Nipper 1.x and even Au Pair All Editions, xBride and the rest…

This might be a more sensible option, and while do take up some resources can be less than those listed above.

MiEOW

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Dear User,

Petz 5.0 can be a cute application, I would advise trying to avoid one that would develop a large installation footprint such as Pony 8.2 or GreatDane 6.

Most Petz apps are compatible with the apps you’ve listed, there can be the odd erroneous incompatibility, however, watch out for small executables such as Kickthedog.sys and throwthecatoutatnight.dll as these tend to crop up from time to time and can cause other issues such as Sulk.exe and Row.bat.

We hope this helps and good luck in your quest for a compatible and stable program suite, as it can be an arduous and time consuming quest.

Regards,
Technical Support

Me back, better than ever.

You may have noticed just lately, if you have been to the cinema, some trailers for a rather great looking new flick from Michael Bay. At least it had better be good as some fans have been waiting over 20 years for a live action Transformers movie. It's out later this year and the trailers make it out to be looking good so far.

In fact the trailers are so good I find myself having to watch them in the vicinity of some tissues in case I cream my pants again when watching it.

I wasn't too sure when I saw the first designs for the Robots In Disguise, but they've slowly grown on me and from the glimpses I've seen in mid-transformation I'd say this is going to be a hell of a movie.

The original voice of Optimus Prime, Peter Cullen, is signed up to voice Optimus once more and Hugo Weaving is speaking for Megatron. The one disappointment is that they couldn't get Frank Welker, the original Megatron, to do this. Contractual obligations, wage demands or as the producers put it, his voice 'just didn't fit the look for the new Megatron'? You decide.

Ah well.

I'll be there when it hits the cinemas some time late June, early July in the UK.

As with previous posts to this blog, there is a 'viral campaign' theme to this post.

http://sectorseven.org should get you a log in page, enter byebyepowers in the field to activate a hidden site with a preview trailer and everything.. cool stuff as it gives a little background on the storyline too.

The new Grimlock is pictured above from the site, great huh?

Parepin, Ricin, and the Year Zero affair.

Well, it seems to have alot of the web community interested, I've just spent the last 2 and a half hours looking it up and it has me hooked too.. what could it be? Nine Inch Nails viral marketing campaign for their forthcoming new release, 'Year Zero' is in full swing. Cryptic tour shirt messages, key drives left in concert venue loos, a multitude of hidden websites and a mysterious 'Presence' like the hand of god, http://www.iamtryingtobelieve.com hinted in the above video trailer snapshot, you can just make this out in the passing signpost then the trailer goes all wobbly and the second image happens

Scary stuff, but this is constantly referenced in all mannder of sites including the ninwiki entry.

Trent and the marketing team have put an extraordinary amount of work into this and it has to be the internet event of the year so far. Just enough clues to get you hooked yet not enough to be able to figure it all out yet.

Add that to their upcoming tour event in my hometown on Saturday (not that I'm excited or anything you understand) make this an exciting weekend for me personally. I may even write a show review, if you're lucky.

Official: Gullible has been removed from the dictionary.

Well, it has if you beleive the sounds coming from the vicinity of Titanic Director, James Cameron anyway.
He claims to have discovered the 'Tomb and coffins of Jesus Christ, Mary Magdelene and their offspring son.'
Yeah, of course you have James, and I floated here on Noah's Ark after scaling Mount Olympus to talk to Zeus about the possibililty of Life in Leonardo DiCaprio.
The sciency bit claims to have sampled the DNA from the coffins to determine a probability tht it might be Jesus' tomb. There was also an Aramaic inscription on the coffin with Jesus' name on it.
So, some first century marketing ploy maybe, 'Come and see the tomb of Jesus, look it's his alright, it's got his name on it and everything.....' Seriously though, what kind of DNA comparision can they make with modern day people? they can hardly call his folks for a sample can they?
"Hi, GOD?"
"Yes?"
"Yeah, this is the Jeffersonian, listen, we think we may have found the tomb of your boy Jesus and we wondered if we could take a swab for some DNA comparisons?"
"Um - sure"
"Cool, is 3 ok for you? maybe later, you might have to be somewhere, I dunno"
"uh, no, 3 is ok for me"
"Cool, see you later then."
"Um, yeah, thanks"

Sky Vs VirginMedia - Seconds out....Round 1

So, Virgin and Sky are having a few handbags.. is this a PR exercise for Mr.Branson? Is this Mr. Murdoch trying to flex his global corporate muscle? Does anybody really give a toss? Virginmedia tell Sky that they want to offer their customers the best VFM and will not pay any more for Sky's overpriced rehashed channels, Sky have a hissy and take their ball home, or was it a case of Sky,"We need to fund the Premiership and the other football contracts as well as the humungous amount we paid for tripe such as Lost, here's our bill for the next contract for you to have the priviledge of showing our channel and subjecting your viewers to adverts every 10 mintues and the MOST ANNOYING ADVERT 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE END OF THE EPISODE!!!."
VirginMedia, "WHAT THE F*%$ ??, screw that, why can't we decide when we have the adverts, when we show programs and when and where we show the re-run?"
Sky," That's never goning to happen. Look, you PAY for the priviledge of showing our propaganda.... er programs and we'll worry about the ad side of thing (and get all the profits, heh heh)"
Virginmedia, " Piss off Murdoch, you shister"

Ah, the mind boggles.

Has anyone seen.....

... my brain? I had it in here a while ago but I seem to have mislaid it. I know I popped it down somewhere but I'm a pile of rusty grommits if I can remember where.
Don't we all have days like this? You potter around looking for the thing you're meant to be doing for the rest of the day? Take this post for example, here I am sitting at home, bashing the .......... laptop (Phew, a close one) wondering what to go on about. "Get on with it!" -Ah shut the hell up.
Don't you just loathe Pubes? They get everywhere, they're perpetually seeking all forms of soap and manage to turn up in just about every foodstuff. If there was a God, I bet they're completely bald and gave us these carotine demons to haunt our waking lives. All credit to those who wax, get 'em off for crying out loud. Trap them within that sticky Veet and never let them fester in your plughole. Trust me, catch one the nutsack ones at your peril.

Well grimlock's is finally open for business

A forum, a forum, my kingdom for a forum.
Me Grimlock finally got own Blog. 'Bout time me got a place to vent anger too.
Me tell you what me sick of, me sick of.... everything.... apart from me.